New direction for my blog...

I'm taking my blog in a new direction that I hope you all stick around for. I'm sick of typing about my illness so I am going to turn my page into a review site.

Throughout my life music and movie have played an important part in my life...especially music where it serves as a diary to me, bringing me back to certain points in my life, both good and bad, I also use music to document things in my life, by concentrating on a certain song...bookmarking a specific event that a song will take me right back too.

So first song up is Dice by Finley Quaye ft William Orbit...I love this song.

To me the lyrics take on a few meanings,
One being about losing someone you love, but the meaning of the dice...I almost think it could be about the past with the person that was lost, to the time when they were actually together and another explanation could be that the dice rolling is hypothetical/optimistic/wishful thinking...looking back on a situation and idealising it to the point of, "I've lost you, but nothing would compare to you coming back to me, taking the chance and saying you love me" I dunno, maybe it's a stretch....

The song is probably intended it to be about taking the gamble to tell someone how you feel. But it fits so beautifully to mean what i first took it to mean, so let me throw in this curve ball....

The song (at least to me) is about losing the one you love, so "I was crying over you" is the grieving" and "i am smiling, i think of you. Where your gardens have no walls" is the peace of mind they get from thinking of there loved one in a better place, where they are happy and free (no walls). And "breath in the air, if you care, you compare, dont say farewell" is the writers advice to others to just stop and realise that there still with them.

Then to be really interesting "When you roll the dice and swear your love for me". My first thought when i had this theme in my head was of the fortune teller type thing of asking a question and using the dice to give an answer (with the belief that the dead can manipulate the roll) so on asking the question, they got an answer that can put them at peace. Which nothing can compaire to.

The line "Virtuous sensibility, escape velocity" says to me how there good life means in death the can find peace, escape the velocity of every day life.


Of course I see it also as wishing for a certain loved one, a loved,
 one has gotten under your skin, controls your thoughts and only having your wishes that you will hear those words, that it will all work out. See below for the song.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RcxQxh6J83I

Acceptance

Finding acceptance

I thought seeing as I have just reached my 37th birthday, I thought i would reflect on my time with MS. I have tried to make it my bitch to no avail, so I have went down the route of acceptance, a route I fought like most sufferers.

I understand now, it's the lifestyle changes you make, that you have to make that keep you a bit more comfortable, these changes have to be embraced. I don’t do the whole getting wasted anymore, I’m a bit too old for that now.  I do however, enjoy my takeaway food...basically all that's bad for you if you read Dr Wahls books but I have cut down but struggling to stop completely. My walking has went to the dogs, so has my muscle tone or lack not to mention not being able to sleep. So gone are the rides in my Mustang of late and hello to spending some good quality time with my track suit bottoms....I swear I feel my life blood being sucked out of me when I pull these mothers on!!

So on reflection, I realised there is a very specific theme present throughout the entirety of my thoughts.  Acceptance.  Yes, just that one oh-so-simple word… Acceptance.

What did I need to accept in my life?

Let me give you some background to this…

Ok, so I walk funny, and yeah I talk funny sometimes, too.  Did you notice those massive intention tremors?  I also have a thing now that I nickname the 'Death Grip', mainly just noticed this week, on picking things up sometimes, I struggle to release my grip. My balance is non existent, restless legs, pins and needles....are you still here?

That is not an extensive list of symptoms but it gives you an insight, I maybe can't do all I did before, so I guess just because my super powers make certain things in my life more difficult, it doesn’t mean I can’t live a full life

Acceptance...

I have accepted my abilities.  I do embrace what my body can do.  I try to push my own limits and test my fears while still respecting my abilities.  My acceptance comes not only from other individuals surrounding me but also from within myself.

I guess that’s what this journey is all about anyway, right?  Finding peace from within?  I suppose my journey began to show me ways in which I needed to grow in order to not become complacent.  I probably needed my ego shot down a few notches as well but that’s beside the point!

Although I always said I accepted myself the way I was no matter what happened, did I really?  Nah.  So I was placed on a journey. I was placed on the road that was a bit rockier than the road I envisioned.

My road sure as hell isn't easy…

But at least I’m finding that peace and acceptance!

But of course I have many things to be thankful for...and we all should not loose sight of the fact...whenever you feel life has dealt you a curve ball or everything seems to be going wrong...things could always be a lot worse!!

New MS drug...

A twice daily tablet for MS sufferers has been licensed in Britain. The drug is called Tecfidera and is already used by 35,000 patients around the world. This drug has been shown to reduce the rate of MS relapses by over 20% in adults with the most common form of the disease - relapsing remitting MS (oh well that's me screwed lol).

The drug is a modified version of a treatment that was originally used to treat the skin disease psoriasis. It's a new approach to treating MS which is believed to help cells defend themselves against the damage caused by MS.

Legs are aching!!!

I did 45 mins yesterday on my passive exercise machine. I recommend the Oxycycle III. 45 mins a day at least I will do.

Exercise and healthy eating everyday of which I am excited about. Going to get back into the juicing as it's definitely much easier to consume more vegetables and fruit this way, is can't remember when I last had a fizzy drink, it's constantly water I consume. Just read an article about a woman in her twenties who drinks 80 tins of coke a day!!!!...WTF????

It's all starting to come together...

If you have followed my blog, you will know I suffer from MS, well after many ups & downs (mostly downs) on all the different medications available, I am now returning to the medication that I felt best on which was the monthly infusion of Tysabri, but I ceased treatment due to testing positive for the JC virus and the risk of contracting the fatal PML virus. I feel it's a case of..I'm damned if I do....I'm damned if I don't. I won't pretend but I am scared. So this coming Tuesday 25/2 is my date.

You will also have read I split from my wife and bought a new home. Well my new place is finally coming together, I bought this place without having viewed it and what a mess it was. So I'm currently more than halfway through doing it up to my liking. I am pleased to report I am getting a 100% grant to turn my bathroom into a wetroom! can't wait to see that green bathroom suite gone lol.

I also had my new bed get delivered, it's a super duper electronically adjustable one which I highly recommend especially to MS sufferers. I also bought a passive exerciser which the motor propels my legs in a cycling motion giving me much needed exercise.

My diet has changed for the better and will probably change more drastically as it's looking like I have diabetes too. Currently waiting on blood test to confirm this....great!!!



My boy fell asleep watching football last night lol

Philip Seymour Hoffman....found dead.

I'm shocked to hear this :-( he was a fine actor.

Philip Seymour Hoffman Dead: Actor Dies At 46 In New York Apartment

Kiki Von GlinowThe Huffington Post02/02/14 01:29 PM ET

Philip Seymour Hoffman was found dead in his Manhattan apartment, the Wall Street Journal reported Sunday (Feb. 2).

The 46-year-old actor's cause of death has yet to be determined but the New York Police Department is investigating and a law-enforcement official confirmed to WSJ that the Academy Award-winning actor died in his 35 Bethune St., West Village home.

The New York Post reports that Hoffman was found dead on his bathroom floor of an apparent drug overdose by a friend at 11:30 a.m. According to the New York Times, the friend visited Hoffman's home after he could not get a hold of the actor and grew concerned. WSJ criminal justice reporter Pervaiz Shallwani tweeted that Hoffman was alone at the time of his death and the man who found him was screenwriter David Katz, with whom Hoffman had recently been working on a project.

An official told the NYT that a syringe was found in the actor's arm at the scene, accompanied by what appeared to be an envelope of heroin. “It’s pretty apparent that it was an overdose," the official confirmed. "The syringe was in his arm.”

It was reported in May 2013 that Hoffman underwent drug detox treatment for substances including heroin. Hoffman also battled drug abuse in his early twenties and was clean for 23 years before relapsing.

"It was all that [drugs and alcohol], yeah, it was anything I could get my hands on ... I liked it all," Hoffman told CBS' "60 Minutes" in a 2006 interview. "I went [to rehab], I got sober when I was 22 years old. You get panicked ... and I got panicked for my life. It really was just that."

The acclaimed actor is best known for his outstanding performances in films like "The Master," "Doubt," "Charlie Wilson's War" and "Capote" -- for which he won an Oscar for Best Actor in 2005.

Hoffman is set to appear in "The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 1" due out in November of this year. The film is currently in post-production.

Hoffman is survived by his longtime partner Mimi O'Donnell and their three young children.

“We are devastated by the loss of our beloved Phil and appreciate the outpouring of love and support we have received from everyone," a statement from Hoffman's family reads. "This is a tragic and sudden loss and we ask that you respect our privacy during this time of grieving. Please keep Phil in your thoughts and prayers.”

New house

Okay been in my new home for a few days now and starting to get it looking a lot better. Starting first in the living room, wallpaper stripped off the walls (I dislike wallpaper), walls prepared and sanded for painting. Currently ceiling and coving being painted a brilliant white. The walls are getting painted a magnolia, then I can get my new smart television fitted to the wall in time for my satellite television being installed on Tuesday.

New ivory vertical blinds for all the windows ordered and will be fitted next week. Wooden flooring for whole house except the bathroom, has been ordered. All chrome switches and sockets for the house ordered. But plenty to do.